mis niños

On our walk this morning I took a different route than normal and came across this most adorable hispanic grandma. She was a petite little lady with short curly hair and was sporting a big grin on her face. She came right up to us and was admiring G. I was trying to get him to say "hola" and use his few spanish words that he has learned from Dora. He was shy and wanted to leave. When she heard me prompting G in spanish she asked if I spoke spanish. Before I knew it I'd said "Si" and she was off talking a mile a minute and I could barely keep up. I'm still reasonably good at making out spanish if its everyday conversational and she used her hands to help talk which made a huge difference. I nodded my head and did my best to throw in a few words  or horribly crafted phrases in Spanish here and there. All I know is that she couldn't get enough of G's curly hair and she was confused by my double stroller but only one kid. She kept asking, "¿Dos niños?", while pointing to the empty stroller seat. It made me a little sad because I often wonder about that empty seat. I didn't have to words to explain miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy. I said them in English but I don't think she understood because she asked me about it one or two more times. That empty seat is in a way a painful reminder of the challenges we face, but I won't sell that stroller because its also a reminder of the hope I have in the future!

When I was praying this morning I was realizing that some of my trials in life aren't going to go away quickly. In fact, at least one of them will be a lifetime challenge. I realized as I prayed that patience for me is even more important (and lacking) than I realized. I really want to come to the point that I can embrace these challenges and see the good and blessings in them instead of those things that are lacking or those things I feel I've been cheated in this life.

I have a friend who has a son with autism. He is in his twenties. She commented the other day that while helping a friend shop for clothing she was placing some items over the changing room door to her friend. Soon after she started doing this her son started imitating her and starting throwing clothes over the door as well saying, "Try this," just as she was doing. Eventually he started chucking sale signs and what not. I really admired how this friend was so excited to tell me and how she seemed to find so much joy and laughter in that moment. I know that was only one moment, one glimpse into her reality and the past 20 or so years of her life with a child on the spectrum, but I have much to learn.

Before I had even met this friend others told me about her. She was enthusiastic and had a heart of gold. They felt that she was blessed with a son with autism because she was such an amazing woman. Every encounter we have had since meeting has proven that all true. The spirit of Christ shines bright in her eyes and she does have a heart of gold. She is patient, humble, kind, giving, creative, and willing. I have yet to find a way to embrace this defining characteristic of my life and truly see the joy and good in it instead of always first seeing the negative and then being humbled to recognize the good.

All of this for me is essential in no losing hope, in patiently waiting with faith in the future whatever it holds for G and his autism and for our other children. Amo a mis niños!

Unrequited Love

I came across this quote on a blog written by another mom with daughters on the autism spectrum. I had to share it! I needed to read this on so many different levels in my life...

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, 

so as to have the life that is waiting for us" --Joseph Campbell

Kind of need to chew on that for a while. Really having to work on being patient with the Lord right now. I don't feel like I'm complaining, more wanting to give up on some things. Waiting is hard work! I know he is watching out for us and so I am really trying to find joy and not be consumed what I WANT for my life without losing the fire and passion I have for those things but still really live in and relish the life I've been given right NOW. It is really amazing, my life! I have an absolutely amazing husband who gives up everything he can for me and who is the strongest and most humble example I could ask for. I don't quite know how I got him, but I'm definitely keeping him around. No catch and release for you baby!

I have a son who continues to blow my mind (for the good and the bad). He is a sweet heart and I love getting to see his personality peak out a little more each day. I'm trying to find greater joy and have more appreciation for the small things. The single alternating step, the 2 inches he cleared from the floor while jumping in the "walk + stop" or "turning, turning, turning", his two favorites during circle time at school.

I have awesome family and friends who continue to pray for and support us!

I will say this. There are these tender moments when I just want to physically love my child. You know cuddle, kiss his face off, and stare into his beautiful eyes. I beg him to look into mine and if I do something silly enough he will. Its the only way I can get a glimpse into his. I tell him I love him and then have to prompt him more than once to say it back to me. It feels forced, like when you tell a guy you love him back after he tells you it first but you're not sure or not ready. You do it anyway. But this guy is my son. I have these tender moments when G and I are having so much fun rolling in laughter and my love for him oozes out. But then I wonder if its one-sided. Does he really love me? Do I rock his world like he rocks mine? I have to believe I do. I'm his mother for crying out loud! If I have to hold out until the eternities for that reciprocation I WILL! I think this is where my dependency on my faith in Jesus Christ comes in. I'm working on that too. This talk right here is something else we should all chew on. Thanks mamma for suggesting it! It will knock your socks off!! Love learning and realizing that even though I continue to fail miserably at some things in life there is still hope for me all because of my Savior! I can make changes and BE BETTER because of HIM! Elder Bednar is so awesome at helping us learn how!

Off to bed. G's eligibility meeting is in 8 hours. Darn Oregonians need a separate educational diagnosis from the medical diagnosis to provide services in school. Good news is that they include sensory as a portion of the eligibility and that is G's most challenging area.

I know it's been a while. So as not to leave you thinking I'm a sad soul, life is good! We have felt really really blessed in many areas, yes challenges still in others. BUT like I said, the Lord is watching out for us. We are loving Oregon, especially now that it is summer! Amazing weather. Its like fall in CA. Perfect warm (not HOT) days and perfect cool nights! Ryan's work is going well and making steady improvements, I'm busying enjoying the teenage girls in our ward and have some great friends here. G starts preschool 4 days a week in September and seems really happy 95% of the time! We are quickly becoming a biking family. We splurged on some new rides and are really enjoying the time as a family getting out and around Eugene. Ryan is determined to become a one-car family and bike to work. Tomorrow is Day #4!

I just came up with the title for this post and it got me thinking...I wonder if this is how the Savior might feel if we neglect our relationship with Him, if there is no reciprocation of those feelings and sacrifices he has made for us. "If ye love me, keep my commandments." Chew on that!

un.re.quit.ed  (adj): not requited : not reciprocated or returned in kind

No talking with your mouth full peeps! Finish chewing and then share your thoughts!

happy anniversary!!

It's been 4 years and it just gets better all the time! I love that as time has gone by we feel more and more comfortable in our skin and with each other. All of the challenges of early married life have melted away and I feel more confident about myself than I ever have before. I can honestly say that our happiness in marriage has increased enormously with Gavin's arrival. My personal happiness and they love that Ryan and I have for each other and for Gavin has really brought us to a new, more wonderful level. No doubt we have our challenges, always will, but I love feeling more confident about where we have been, what we've overcome, and the future is bright! The more we both strive to put the other before ourselves and really strive for our spouse's happiness the closer we feel to each other and the more loved we feel.

In August, Ryan and I took a quick overnight trip to Ashland, Oregon. Love that place and dream of living there! Anyway, on the trip we listened to the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. We still haven't finished it but what we did listen to was a great reminder of how to continue to grow in our love for each other. We discussed the ways we feel most loved and were reminded of how we can have greater happiness as we strive to love each other and recognize and express gratitude for the efforts of the other to love us. It has been a true testimony to the power of marriage and that it is indeed a sacred union blessed by God. Everyday I gain greater appreciation and love for my Heavenly Father for giving me the gift of family and marriage. It has the power to help us become our best selves, provide us with eternal happiness, and bring some of the most tender moments life has to give.

Happy Anniversary!

birthday boy!

I can't believe our buddy guy is already 1! The past year has flown by and been full of so many of the most amazing experiences and moments. He has changed my life and our family! I couldn't ask for a more amazing child. He is so gosh darn happy its hard to believe. He really is the best baby. I will highlight his strengths and avoid his weaknesses. He sleeps 12-13 hours a night, eats like a champ, plays well on his own, takes great naps, is a total trooper when I take him shopping (which is weekly), he loves the jogging stroller, or any stroller or car seat, does great on car trips, is always happy, is already mastering the art of efficiency since he is such a large boy he is determined to scoot on his bottom instead of crawling so that he doesn't have to transition he can just stay in the same position and scoot right up to the tv to turn it on and off, on and off, on and off.

That's all I can think of now. I cannot describe the joy and happiness that I have been blessed with as a mother. I guess that is something I have been celebrating the most this past year is the gift of motherhood. I do not understand how the Lord could entrust me with such an amazing spirit of His, but I want to do the best I can to help him to be happy, to love him, and to help him return to his Father in Heaven someday.

Happy Birthday Gavin! We love you with all our hearts!

taking stock...

what are we doing these days you ask?

We are "setting our house in order."

Doctrine & Covenants 93:43.

This last weekend we traveled to Eugene, Oregon. Beautiful, simply beautiful. If a place is beautiful in the winter you know its gorgeous in the summer and fall! Well, while visiting we were invited to my cousin Marie's home for dinner and then attended church with her family the following day. Gav was having his usually difficult time during church because napping was difficult and it seemed maybe it'd be easier to just leave early, but I decided we should stay. Boy howdy am I glad. I can't say that I had this crazy revelation or amazing moment where this bright light appeared or even went on in my head, but it was more of being where you're supposed to be on Sunday, worshipping God. The third meeting was a combined meeting because of Ward Conference and the topic was "Bringing up your Children in Light and Truth". The speakers did a great job of sharing their personal experiences raising children and helping us to understand counsel given recently by an apostle of the Lord, Elder Bednar. His talk was given during our church wide conference this past October. He referenced the scripture in D&C 93 and talked about being "More Diligent and Concerned at Home." I have to admit, I have much need for repentance and this week we have been trying to apply this talk and those things shared in the lesson to our home life. What stuck out to me the most at this time in my life is how much the "seemingly small things" matter so much. I realized that my neglect in these "small things" was keeping me from experiencing greater peace, happiness, and joy in life that I desperately need. They are essential if I want to draw on the much needed power of God to make certain decisions in life that face us and to be the wife and mother I have been praying to be. Elder Bednar suggests that, "as we are more faithful in LEARNING, LIVING, and LOVING the restored gospel of Jesus Christ" we can become more diligent and concerned at home. Questions have come into my mind like:

Do I "love" the gospel? What am I doing on a daily basis to learn, live and love the gospel of Jesus Christ? What things am I not doing? What things am I doing that are contrary to being diligent and concerned at home? Is Christ the center of our home? Is He the center of my life? Do I love him the most? If not, what do I love more? What is the center of our home? Is it materialism? Media? the distractions of the world? What do I spend my time doing if I'm not learning about and living the gospel of Jesus Christ? What is the center of each of my days?

This reminds me...I sat down at the piano earlier today and as I was playing my mind wandered to thoughts of the much needed setting in order we are undergoing. I experienced the following epiphany: I was leading my life much like someone who carelessly throws their laundry into the washer and dryer, setting the dials to whatever they chose, maybe mixing all the clothes in for convenience sake, completely disregarding the care instructions found on the clothing. These instructions came from the manufacturer, the creator of that item. We too have a Creator. I have a Creator! He lovingly sent me here with my own care instructions. He has given them to me in the form of scriptures, prophets of God, priesthood leaders, and personal revelation through prayer and meditation. In neglecting their counsel and not putting it as the priority in my life, I risk losing everything that I hold dear to myself. I can destroy the happiness and joy in life that I desperately desire.

Some things don't seem to make that much of a difference. You rationalize that even though the instructions say to hang dry, if I just dry the article on the "delicate cycle" it will be fine. And in fact, it may come out appearing unharmed and perfectly fine. But, what if over time and with each careless act it weakens the fibers and slowly breaks down the integrity of that garment? We too can go along thinking it doesn't make a difference if we have family home evening, or nightly prayer together? Because it sure seems that the kids don't pay attention. I realize now it is in the obedience to that counsel, in the consistency of doing these small things that it will lead to the strengthening and building up of our home and family, not the subtle breaking down of such a beautiful gift, OUR FAMILY!

the big 10!

I am slowly becoming more familiar with photoshop elements. So, what did I stay up until 1am working on tonight? Here are my most recent attempts at digital scrapbooking. As I said before, I just can't get enough of this little dude. I'm guessing you can tell why from the pictures! He is so patient when it comes to all the photo shoots I make him endure!

i'm in love!

(a little preview of his card I created)

I can't seem to get enough of "buddy guy" these days and unfortunately I've had less time with him because I've been back at Kremer Dental Care temporarily. Lately I've had lots of moments I've experienced pure bliss and unimaginable love for the little guy! These moments often lead to realizing I should be recording these sacred moments in a journal but I always seem to fail. Well, I decided I would begin the written expression of my love for him by designing him a Valentine's Day card. Ryan was teasing me, but I guess these days I've been finding any excuse to design cards and decorate (my two favorite hobbies right now, although I'm a novice at the former). I can't begin to express how full my heart is of gratitude and love towards God for giving me the gift of motherhood and more especially the little man himself.

Speaking of the little guy, he turned 10 months the end of January. Wow is time flying by! I've started designing his 1st birthday invitation, banners, treat bags, cutouts for decorating, cupcake tags, etc. Ryan would say I've gotten carried away, but I'm loving it! I might have to agree though because I think it will end up being a family only party. Boo hoo!

This weekend we're off to Eugene, Oregon. Boy howdy have we missed Oregon! Definitely a soft spot in our hearts for that beautiful state. Needless to say, we are very excited for the trip up there!

the human experience

My morning perusing of blogs was most heartwarming and spiritually uplifting when I read Stephanie Nielson's (better known as Nie Nie) blog post. She is such a strength and example of faith and perseverance. All I could think as she shared her experiences was there is something about her new outward appearance that to me allows her inward beauty and faith glow even brighter than before (as far as I can tell since I only know her through her blogging bc (before crash) and ac (after crash). It was just what I needed to make today the best day it can be and do the things that will help me to have that faith and that perseverance.

Just as Stephanie describes choosing to come back, to wake from her coma and to experience life with her family despite all the trials that laid ahead, we each chose as spirits in our pre-mortal life with God to come to this earth and experience life with physical bodies that are subject to death (and injury) so that we can experience the full measure of joy and happiness that God has in store for us. Elder Bednar, an apostle of Jesus Christ, shared the following at a recent Church Educational System Fireside (to read the entire EXCELLENT talk, go here):

"In 'The Family: A Proclamation to the World,' the First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles declare that as spirit sons and daughters of God we 'accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize [our] divine destiny as heirs of eternal life' (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102; or Liahona, Oct. 2004, 49). Please note the primary importance of obtaining a physical body in the process of progressing toward our divine destiny.

The Prophet Joseph Smith taught with clarity the importance of our physical bodies:

'We came to this earth that we might have a body and present it pure before God in the celestial kingdom. The great principle of happiness consists in having a body. The devil has no body, and herein is his punishment. He is pleased when he can obtain the tabernacle of man, and when cast out by the Savior he asked to go into the herd of swine, showing that he would prefer a swine’s body to having none. All beings who have bodies have power over those who have not. The devil has no power over us only as we permit him; the moment we revolt at anything which comes from God, the devil takes power.'

Our physical bodies make possible a breadth, a depth, and an intensity of experience that simply could not be obtained in our premortal estate. President Boyd K. Packer has taught, 'Our spirit and our body are combined in such a way that our body becomes an instrument of our mind and the foundation of our character.' Thus, our relationships with other people, our capacity to recognize and act in accordance with truth, and our ability to obey the principles and ordinances of the gospel of Jesus Christ are amplified through our physical bodies. In the classroom of mortality, we experience tenderness, love, kindness, happiness, sorrow, disappointment, pain, and even the challenges of physical limitations in ways that prepare us for eternity. Simply stated, there are lessons we must learn and experiences we must have, as the scriptures describe, 'according to the flesh' (see 1 Nephi 19:6; Alma 7:12–13)."

To read Stephanie's post, go here.

For those who know me, physical interaction with others can be a challenge. I struggle with confidence in myself and with a desire and willingness to create meaningful relationships outside my immediate family (I struggle with that at times too). Sometimes it feels borderline agoraphobic. This talk about Elder Bednar has left me humbled and deeply pondering my true purpose here on earth and how I can better serve my Heavenly Father as a mortal with a physical body. You might find it ironic or even hypocritical that I am blogging about this talk (you will have to read to understand why) but I think there is a balance in all things (Elder Bednar agrees too). For example, Stephanie's post brought the spirit of faith and fortitude into my day when I wanted so badly to waste away my day. Just like a friend's innocent post regarding her bad mood prompted me to visit and say hello (something I'm sure did more for me and my "mood" than it did for her). I think in these examples online interactions motivated and led to physical action and interaction--uplifting of spirits and souls.

Despite my rationalization of my blogging and facebooking obsession (admitting is the first step to freedom right?), absolutely nothing will compare with physical relationships with which there is, "laughing and crying together, creating rich and enduring bonds of emotional intimacy, feeling the warm tender hug of an eternal companion or the sincerity in the eyes of another person as testimony is shared--all of these things experienced as they really are through the instrument of our physical body..."(Elder Bednar's talk).

So, today I will love, today I will serve, today I will rejoice in God's plan of happiness, today I will rejoice in the human experience.

a piece of my heart

This little man has a piece of my heart. In fact, he has a BIG piece. The delightful hubby and I just celebrated our third wedding anniversary and since he does whatever he can to please me, we went to San Francisco, CA to see the musical Wicked. The weekend was perfect, except that I had a tough time forgetting about our sweet little babe. I wanted so badly for him to be there with us taking in the refreshing ocean air, yet I knew it would be just as refreshing to enjoy some alone time with my dear husband. I had to be reminded constantly over the first few hours away that I would in fact see my dear child just over 24 hours later. Even after that reminder I still insisted on worrying that what if, just what if we died in a car accident or an earthquake and we never get to see him again. My husband then reminded me that we are an eternal family, but still, I want the joy and pleasure of raising this dear sweet child we have been blessed with. I just didn't want to stop thinking about him! I finally decided that it would be best for me (and Gav) if I relaxed and rejuvenated myself so that I could be the best mommy I wanted to be and that he deserved.

San Francisco was beeeeeeeeeeautiful!! Yes it was windy but it only made it chilly after dark and so we decided we'd skip hiking around the city like we usually end up doing instead of taking taxis or bart. We got to experience a taste of Love Fest and that's all we wanted--we were celebrating our own love and in our own special way!! I highly recommend Wicked. It was such a great performance and I loved the story. Ryan was really impressed by the performance, the set, and all the detail that went into it. The music was great too! And of course we didn't leave the city without a clam chowder bread bowl and fish and chips (yes I ordered both and for lunch). On that note, I'm beginning to understand why I'm not losing any more of that post-prego weight but alas I still eat what I want. To my credit, I have gotten rid of pretty much all sweets in our house, but sadly most of that came from just eating them. I plan to not replace them!!! Just in time for Halloween and the holidays--nice!

I was so excited to go and pick up Gavin the following day. I was kind of saddened when I went to lock eyes with him and revel in that moment of being reunited and he took one look and then looked back up at my sister Michelle who graciously watched him. Oh that's ok, he just doesn't know better, right? So, back in the car and back to squeals, slobber, and the greatest joy of my life!

I just can't get enough--I think he has a little more than a piece of my heart--I'd say a chunk!

P.S. We are excited that we have finally had a happy, argument-free trip to San Francisco. Click here to see why!

catch a falling star...

So this last Sunday Ryan and I took a stroll around the neighborhood to put little "G" to sleep. I am just loving this fall-like weather in the evenings and mornings. Oh it is delicious! If there is somewhere that is like this all year round please tell me, and quick! Well, we decided to make one last loop around a cul-de-sac in our neighborhood and as we gazed up at the stars we saw two, I tell you two falling stars, and not just any falling stars, one was fast and super bright. You might think this is silly, but I only saw my first falling star a meager 5 years ago on our first date. That's right--I was 23 before I saw my first falling star! It must have been a magical night (or during a meteor shower works too, I guess).

On that starry night we went to dinner at California Pasta and had deep conversations (ok not really anything deep but he was sure something else to look at across the table), saw a play "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" at a local theatre (Blue Room), headed to the observatory in Upper Bidwell Park for a great light show and my first ever experience with the falling star, and then topped the night off with ice cream at Coldstone. It was the best date I had ever been on--no lie! And 2 years later we finally, after that blessed false start, tied the knot. 

That first date has resulted in so many great things--the joy of seeing falling stars galore, our marriage, Gavin (an hopefully other delightful kiddos), and Ryan's love (and at times obsession) with ice cream. Yep, he hadn't had it for many many years (he observed a strict overly healthy lifestyle I quickly broke him of), and well, the list of amazing experiences and gifts goes on and on. 

In 3 weeks, we will be celebrating our wedding anniversary--3 years of marriage. Every year it seems our marriage gets better and better. One flesh I tell you, ONE FLESH, or at least that's our goal! What an amazing man I married! Oh so amazing. I couldn't have imagined a more precious dude. 

Can't wait for more walks, talks, and falling stars. Oh, and don't forget the ice cream!

5 months...

5 Months...

 

We are having so much fun with this little guy. You can't stop him from smiling these days if you try. He is really pretty much perfect, except for some napping issues. We love him to pieces! What a blessing from God (and in case you were wondering, we'd love him to pieces even if he wasn't near perfect).

Post UPDATE: Gavin finally had his 5-month doctor's appointment. He continues to grow like crrrrrrazy! He now weighs 17.5 lbs (75% for weight), is 27 1/2 inches long (90% for height). He is doing great the doc says. He did better this time with the shots too and he had to get 3 pokes. He cried for a minute max and was smiling at the ladies in the office before we could walk out the door. What a flirt! 

SAHM aka Stay At Home Mom

So today I was introduced to a new acronym--SAHM. So you'd think I'd be in the know since it describes my "title" right now, but well, I'm not. That's Stay At Home Mom for those who were in that boat too! It just looks so funny and a lot less prestigious. Since when was wiping poop off a baby's bum, rice cereal off everything in sight, or doing loads and loads of laundry become "prestigious" you ask? Well really I think its been that way since Adam and Eve, and probably before this world was created. I bet there are SAHM's in heaven! haha! 

I do have to admit when I've had to enter my title or occupation its a difficult transition to leave behind those secular purusits and put "homemaker", "stay at home mom", or the infamous "housewife". If I were to put "housewife" I would almost feel dirty thanks to the "real" housewives all over the world now, as if I am a fake or a fraud.

Ok, this is getting ridiculous. You probably quit reading by now. Its after 10pm and I've been mommying it up since 7:00am so let me get to my point...what was my point? I don't think I actually had one. Ok, well I'll tell you what this SAHM has been up to:

1. Still adjusting to SAHMing a.k.a postpartum meltdowns.

2. Playing the piano more and loving it!

3. Starting back to school, not starting back, starting back, not starting back, NOT starting for sure.

4. Researching mommy & me groups (pretty much unsuccessfully) so I'm in the works of starting my own.

5. Signing the G-man and I up for kindermusik, super excited!!

6. NOT exercising (I haven't lost weight in over a month I don't think that's supposed to happen).

7. Shopping at IKEA--that's another post I've been meaning to write.

8. Photography, kind of.

9. Church, church, church and its made all the difference.

10. Plenty of family time and its DEFINITELY what this life is ALL about! That's why I'm a SAHM!

Belated Birthday!

happy belated birthday honey!

well, technically the celebration wasn't belated, but the post is. I have been so horrible about posting that I have some catch up work to do. Ryan turned the big 29 this year! It is his last year of innocence! Ah ha! With all my family in town for my littlest brother's graduation, the fam decided to go camping. I decided I didn't want to miss out and would brave taking the G-man with me. Unfortunately, the camping event overlapped with Ryan's birthday so before I left I decorated the house for a pre-party so he wouldn't feel forgotten. I can't wait to make a big deal of our kids' birthdays. Ryan is learning to appreciate it which is good because now he is understanding why I like him to do little special things like this when its my birthday (hint, hint). 

 

I even went as far as letting him know where I keep all of the balloons, streamers, you know the party supplies. He won't even have the excuse of no time to go to the store now! 

 

We didn't get each other large presents for birthdays or mom's and dad's days because we decided to invest in a nicer camera when G-man was born to take our own photos instead of pouring $$$$ into other photographer's work. It is also an opportunity for me to develop a hobby since I seem to have left all of my behind. I am loving the camera and taking photos and can't wait to take some formal classes. I really like the angle I found on the candy bowl I had with Ryan's fav candies--peanut m&m's. What do you think? The camera does a great job on its own with the colors too, not much photo editing. 

So, back to Ryan's birthday. I just want it to go down in the history books (aka my blog) that I have the most amazing husband, a man I dearly admire, respect, adore, appreciate, and to whom I owe so much of my happiness and joy in life. We have grown so much closer together and so much as individuals and it is largely in part to his spiritual strength and love for me. What a man, what an example! He is so intelligent, motivated, talented, driven, faithful, humble, teachable, healthy, generous, and not to mention good-looking, to say the least. Thank you sweetheart for loving me and for patiently supporting me. You are such an amazing father and husband and I am forever indebted to you for your daily sacrifices for our family. 

"sexy beck" in Cabo December 2008

2 Months and growing...

So the G-Man is now 2 months old! Time is flying by and I love spending every minute of it with him. He is definitely more active, enjoying his baby gym more (swatting at the toys), his right leg is pumping more than ever (got a sweet right hook I might add (too bad there's not a sport where you box with your legs)), he's holding up his head better everyday, he is sleeping an average of 6 hours straight at night (sometime 5, sometimes, 7 and once 8). He's growing out of some 0-3 month clothing, even some 3-6 month onesies. He is cooing and talking more--I love having conversations with him. He's enjoying tummy time more and grabbing onto the toy rings (and not letting go). He is still sleeping in our room (but not in our bed, maybe just that last hour in the morning when I just don't want to get up). We will be transitioning him eventually (watch for the post when I unveil his room) but I watched an Oprah episode about child kidnappings and it freaked me out to have him sleep in another room. We've since gotten a baby monitor and I let him sleep in there one night but I was so exhausted it was hard waking up to a quieter sound and having to go to the other room to get him. He has been called "fat", "a fatty", and "chubby" more than once, but I don't think any are accurate. I think he is just SOLID!! He's so adorable and now that he's smiling more and cooing I can't get enough of him even more!! We have had some of the most happiest times of our lives with the G-man's arrival and I know there will be many more to come!!

Meet our newest friends!! Finger puppets from Ikea! Love them! I'm still thinking of their names. I've only come up with Fred the Frog and Eli the Elephant, and George the Giraffe. (There's also a lion, brown bear, panda bear, dog, and some kind of white bird with a yellow beek (a duck?).) 

Striped Pajamas

So last weekend we rented the movie "The Boy in the Striped Pajamas" and I LOVED IT! As it says on the DVD box, its a story about "Lines may divide us, but hope will unite us." It was somewhat depressing (stories about the Holocaust usually are), but there is something I love about these stories of hope and love. I can't wait to go to Europe someday and experience this rich history in person. It truly is a "A Timeless Story of Innocence Lost and Humanity Found." It was one of those movies you feel enriches your life and gets you really thinking about the gift of humanity. The movie is based on the book by John Boyne. I can't wait to read it now! Too bad my stack of "Must Reads" is growing and I'm having a hard time finding time to read.

R.I.P. Domino

R.I.P. Domino Magazine! 

You will be missed, extremely missed. You made so many sad days seem better (even they were only temporary fixes). You inspired so many creative thoughts and ideas, I will miss you. 

So my fav magazine Domino Mag is no longer. Sad day! It took me forever to subscribe--instead I'd pay the ridiculous price for one issue at a time in the grocery store for several years time. My mother-in-law finally gave me a subscription as a Christmas gift. What did I get in the mail--a postcard letting me know they've discontinued the magazine and want to give me an alternative mag. I don't think so! Give me my money back. I will really miss this magazine. I love it so much--trendy decorating!! Ryan welcomed me home a year ago from my Utah trip with several little gifts around the house and one included the new issue of Domino. What a man--he's knows what I like--I guess when you have a buzzillion issues around your house you have to have a clue!

If you decide to wake from the dead I won't mind a bit!!

Like Father Like Son

LIKE FATHER LIKE SON...

Do you see the resemblance?

I love to see Ryan interact with G-man. There have been so many precious moments I've been able to catch of them together. Here are some for just a TASTE of my awesome life!

Sunday afternoon at our house...

LIKE FATHER... Ryan was pooped from a long week at work and a busy weekend at home doing yard work and helping out with the baby during the nights.

...LIKE SON Just give him a few years. It was hilarious that they were sleeping in the same exact position at the same time.

Man do I love these guys! Life couldn't get any better!!

Bath Time & a Father's Love

"Mommy's MVP" post-bath. 

I think we have a curly blond-haired little dude on our hands! We'll see...

Gavin is now 3 weeks old!! Crazy how time flies! Its amazing to see how he changes daily. When he was born he had tons of loose skin on his knees and now he has filled out--porker! He is definitely eating well. Gavin had his first pediatrician appointment at his 2 week check. He did great. I was so worried he'd cry but he was PERFECT! He got a clean bill of health so far! He weighed 8 lb. 4 oz., his height was 20 3/4 inches (for those of you actually paying attention to his stats he was supposedly 18.5 inches at birth, well there's no way he grew 2 inches in 2 weeks. Apparently they didn't measure very accurately when he was born or he didn't cooperate, but he gave them a good stretch at the doctor's office). He is in the 50% percentile for weight, 25th percentile for height and his head. That's what the doctor called WELL PROPORTIONED (for now). He is definitely a looker (yes I'm gloating he's my first born son). He turned quite a few of the nurses' heads. WATCH OUT!!

We gave him his first real bath yesterday. I was meaning to do it all week when he got the go ahead at his 2 week check, but I was busy spending time w/ my dear friend Emily and her son Brennan and I wanted Ryan to be there. So, he went a week without a bath (thank goodness daddy is so thorough with his diaper changes). Gavin loved the bath! He loved it so much he pooped in it! Yikes! We even got the action on video (it sounds like a fart). I didn't mind because he's had horrible gas or something digestive going on and so I wanted him to get it out, JUST GET IT OUT!! We are training him early to love music and so we played classical music for him during the bath. He really likes it. I couldn't get him to calm down one day and so I put him in the swing and that only worked temporarily, so I turned on "the music" and he went to sleep. Hallelujah!! He is really a great baby, just have to figure out what's causing him digestive pains. I think we're working it out (cross my fingers). 

This photos is so precious to me. I just can't believe how much my love for Ryan has grown overnight with the birth of Gavin. It is truly amazing and heaven sent. His love for Gavin is so amazing. I remember the first day Ryan came home from work being away from Gavin for the first time and he was so excited to see him and hold him. I couldn't hold back the tears as Ryan held him. Oh the power of A father's love!

Gavin's Photo Debute

GAVIN SCOTT BECK

It may have taken the entire pregnancy and 3 days in the hospital to decide on his name, but we finally did it and he didn't have to leave the hospital without a name. (We finally decided an hour before discharge). Welcome to the world Gavin!

GAVIN DAY ONE

If you look closely you can see red bumps below his eyes. They call these speed bumps because he was delivered so quickly. I think I pushed two times is what Ryan said. From the beginning to end of when i was given the green light to push it 

was 10 minutes. We seem to be enlightened w/ nicknames for Gavin left and right. Thanks to the speed bumps Gavin has now been dubbed "Jet" for his speedy arrival.

GAVIN 6 DAYS OLD

He's such a good eater he

 was  back to his birth weight by day 4. Nurse said he's an overachiever. That was inevitable w/ Ryan as his daddy! His face is filling out and he's developing a double chin! Too cute!

PROUD PAPA!

Gavin is sporting a onesie that says, "Born in 2009". It was a gift from one of Ryan's patients at Willows PT at the daddy shower the girls in his office threw for him. They invited tons of previous patients and I think he said there were like 20 patients who came for cake and gifts. It was sure sweet. He felt pretty dang special! Thanks ladies!

THE BECK FAMILY IN ALL ITS GLORY!

We are so very happy for Gavin's addition to our family. We feel so blessed by Heavenly Father for his watchful care over us through this experience. What a blessing the power of the priesthood is. I couldn't have done this without the comfort of the Spirit and the confidence Ryan felt that all would be well. Tender mercies! We were so impressed w/ the care we received from the nurses and doctors at Feather River Hospital. We were so glad we decided to go there. We are so happy to be home and adjusting to life as parents. Its definitely a sacrifice well worth it! 

Let the journey begin!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Be My Valentine!

Ryan hasn't been a believer in Valentine's Day. He knows I love it so he's learning to enjoy it. He is one of "those" that believes that he shares his love for me all year long so he doesn't need one day to do it. (He does a great job of showing me his love all the time so he is correct in his logic). I know what he means, but its still nice! So I think he's a believer now! We had a busy but enjoyable day. Originally I had wanted to take one last trip to San Fran and see Wicked (something we both wanted to do before those days are over for a while) but I think I wouldn't make it far. Hopefully we'll have a chance before it leaves this summer. Riiiiiight. Anyway, Ryan planned to serve me breakfast in bed, but the days of sleeping in to a reasonable time are over for me and i couldn't bear to make him get up at 6:30 just for my sake. So instead we had a candlelite breakfast! It was nice! We had seen a special on PBS touring Sydney Australia and they featured this yummy looking Ricotta Pancakes at a restaurant called "Bills". They looked AMAZING!! Luckily when I googled the restaurant he shares some of his recipes and that was one of them. Ryan has been eager to try them out and so we did! We need to perfect the cooking part but then were light, fluffy and YUMMY!!!  For the recipe go here. 

Once breakfast was over we picked up the house only to destroy it once we started prepping the baby's room for painting. We spent many hours painting but it was fun to work on the project together and imagine our little one here in only 6 weeks! Ryan got a little creative trying to mix it up painting and I'll just leave it at that so we can keep this post "G-rated". We finally got everything cleaned up and the tape off around oh 10:00pm. It was a good 12-hour job. Thanks honey for all your hard work! To top it off he even managed to get me flowers, a huge pair of smackers (lips) that read "I Love You" balloon (because he's obsessed with my lips--T.M.I.?) and rub my feet (part of the 2 hour massage I requested as my valentine's gift). Needless to say we weren't too worried about a romantic dinner--I think we had cereal! 

(Don't let this pic scare you. Ryan LOVES his pic taken and this was him responding to my request for him to 1. Smile, and 2. Look at me when he smiled).

Happy Valentine's Day from the Becks!