tamale pie

It's October! Isn't that crazy! It is usually my more favorite time of the year, but this year is different. I just don't want to let go of the long summer days, the swimming and lazy weekends spent outside. Don't get me wrong, I am so over 100 degree days for sure! I love the crisp air that is starting to present itself. I will have to pack this fall with all the favorites to get me in the mood! So far, last week I made pumpkin squares and they were the only thing I ate for about a 24 hour period I fear. I did half with chocolate chips and boy those hit home!

I've been in the kitchen more than ever these days. I have the cooking bug and I have a feeling it won't be leaving soon because I have so many new recipes I can't wait to try. Pinterest seriously is amazing when it comes to cooking for me. I've already tried recipes I've found on there and love them! Tonight Ryan wasn't even coming home after work, but I decided I couldn't wait another day to try making this Tamale Pie recipe. My mom made Tamale Pie growing up but it wasn't my favorite of her dishes. I was more a fan of the tuna casserole (some of you are gagging right now), another I don't know the name of I think its kind of like shephards pie, and others. Well this one just looked so good in the picture I had to try it. Its from an issue of Better Homes and Gardens. I give it a 4 out of 5. I think all I'd change is to saute some onions in with the ground beef and I didn't add the full amount of salt and pepper it called for. That is odd for me because I err on more salt because s&p are the best way to "season" dishes (so the chefs have told me). I also added in black beans and corn with the olives. I cooked it all in one large deep casserole dish rather than smaller ones. I used a corn bread mix from Trader Joes and it was AMAZING!!! I couldn't figure out why we never have cornbread. It has whole pieces of corn it for goodness sakes! So, here's the recipe straight from the magazine (above). I also served it with sour cream on the side. Oh and the cilantro is a must! Yum! Just inviting a little more fall and cooler weather into our lives! Now if only mother nature will cooperate.

Fall "Must-Do" #1 Cook lots of yummy comfort foods!

What's on your list of Fall "Must-Do's"?

"Fixing" Autism

I am feeling peace. I am feeling strength. It is because of my Savior, Jesus Christ.

What would you do if you knew the road ahead of you would be bumpy and rough?

We all are bound to have challenges in this life. It is inevitable! This one, I would have never imagined for myself, for Gavin, potentially for more of our future children.

I was reminded of a talk I read many years ago about learning from the past, preparing for the future, and living in the present (I can't seem to find it. I think it was by President Monson and I think it was back in 2004-2006???). That reminder by the Holy Ghost has been my saving grace this week - to LIVE IN THE PRESENT. I feel at peace. I can only do all I can to prepare for the future, to learn and increase my understanding of Autism and what we need to do to help Gavin, but most importantly TODAY I can be the best mother I can to him. I can give up more of the things I want to do for myself (that don't have any eternal significance) and sacrifice because I want him to have the best life and best outcomes possible for his life. TODAY I can strive to live the gospel of Jesus Christ better than I did yesterday so that I can receive more strength and help from my Savior, more blessings. TODAY I will do more to strengthen my marriage so that we can prepare ourselves for storms ahead and grow closer together through this, rather than farther apart. TODAY I can kneel in more humble prayer more frequently when I just can't hold back the tears. My closet has become the most sacred place in our home. TODAY I can find joy in the very small improvements G is making and hope that more will come tomorrow. TODAY I have peace because of God's Plan of Happiness which provides understanding of our purpose here on this earth, that OUR SPIRITS ARE NOT DISABLED, and that through the atonement of Jesus Christ my sorrows, fears, and pains can be swallowed up in him as I lay them at his feet. I am finding happiness in this time of adversity.

P.S. I still cry! We still need an amazing support group! Want to be part of this support group? Then watch this YouTube Video to start (Isn't that song perfect! I love Coldplay and that song "Fix You" stuck out to me a few months ago as we've been journeying through early intervention. I love that he used it!). Educate yourselves about Autism. If you don't know where to go for accurate information, email me: stacy_beck@sbcglobal.net. The greatest gift you can give is to educate yourselves and then educate others around you.

P.S.S. For more information on the above and God's Plan of Happiness go here. It will change your life and your perspective! It will bring peace, I promise!

"Mud!"

Yesterday G discovered a mud puddle while Ryan was washing the car. He was in heaven as most little boys are when it comes to mud. He invited me to join him in enjoying it. After some limited oohing and ahhing, I realized that if I really want to make a change in his world I had to get down and dirty (literally) with him. So, we spent the next 30 plus minutes making mud soup and pretending to drink it. We used magnolia leaves to make sail boats and float them in the "river". We built a "bridge" out of weeds and added lots and lots of "sticks" to the "muddy river". We stomped and stomped and stomped in the water and splashed each other up one side and down the other with mud it seemed. And then when I'd had enough and went inside he came back inside and said "Come mama". Back outside it was for more until I convinced him we could play in the mud another day.

knock, knock

Knock, Knock!

Who's there?

Autism.

Bye, Bye (slams door).

** POST EDIT - After initially posting this I realize that it could be misunderstood. I have already read that mothers of children with autism have a funny sense of humor when it comes to dealing with acceptance and emotions. This joke doesn't imply that G doesn't have autism, it is meant to express through humor (my lame attempt at humor, sorry) that in fact G was diagnosed with Autism and my initial reactions to it. Hope that helps! We are still in the grieving/processing phase but I promise to write more soon. Thank you for all your love and support through this!

September 13, 2011

Its been a while...sorry.

We have a date.

September 13th 10:30am.

I've been working to get this date for a month now. Before that I was preparing myself to be ready for that date. I thought I was ready. Now that we have the coveted date my stomach is in knots. Its strange, just reality setting in that we will have something concrete to either go forward with or not. Things will continue as they are most likely one way or the other. Its our new reality. I talk openly, I even use the word in conversation with those closest to me. My reading material is plastered with it.

"AUTISM."

There I said it.

I have come to terms (or so I thought) and have my own personal diagnosis for Gavin.

Why, then do I all of the sudden feel so anxious and scared?

Maybe I'm not ready. It doesn't really matter if I am or not, he needs this and so do we.

Things have been more difficult lately. I don't even think its related to a disorder, probably just the natural development of a two-year old. I think he's fighting for autonomy and it sucks. I keep telling myself its good, because it is. It means he is developing appropriately, in some areas at least. Why does writing that make me cry?

Those darn doors. I'm about ready to take them all off their hinges. Its his thing and it seems like its getting worse. He is obsessed. He knows how to unlock deadbolts now so he continuously slams every single door in our house over and over and over and over and over again. Any kind of door, he doesn't discriminate. Have a headache yet? I do.

So, when the phone rang today and the woman on the phone told me she was calling to schedule the evaluation, I was relieved it was finally here and yet terrified at the same time. I think these opposite emotions are natural. Tell me they are.

All that being said...the past eight months since we began this journey of discovery and intervention have been amazing. Everyone we have worked with has been very professional and definitely have great concern for Gavin's success in life. I continually pray that the Lord will lead and guide us through this journey whatever it ends up being, that he'll inspire me and all of his interventionists, therapists, you name it. "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths" (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Love this little man to pieces! Headaches and all...

We have a date!

In the mean time I will be reading this, and this, and just finished reading this.

vinegar and oatmeal anyone?

* I think the ak-mak crackers above in the yellow box are the winners,

although I think this may lower our cracker intake substantially!

So I've been working on improving the little dudes diet. Poor child. Between this and the sensory suggestions his OT and Speech therapist have given he is really going to hate me and eating! I'm having to find a balance because adding hot sauce and balsamic vinegar to his beloved oatmeal is just making both our lives miserable. The things that are my "go-to's" are no more even if untainted it seems because I've lost his trust. Here are the latest examples: The OT wants me to add hot sauce and balsamic vinegar to things that I know he likes and will eat. She wants to wake up his mouth and get all of his senses working and I guess it takes something that nasty to do it. He has some sensory problems and is very hypersensitive to foods, eating, and textures. He will still eat the oatmeal if I feed it to him but he definitely doesn't enjoy it like usual or self-feed or request more or finish it for that matter. Well since doing that he isn't as interested in Oatmeal even if all I've put in it is mashed bananas which is what I've done for a very long time prior to the balsamic vinegar.

Separate from the requests of the OT, I have been trying to change up his diet so he has more of a variety of fruits and vegetables and more quantity. So goes the following: there was his favorite vegetable, butternut squash. This time around he is not having it and I made it like normal, I think. I had fed him carrots the night before and I guess the colors are the same so he freaked. He just won't trust anything. Then I decided to try adding the pureed butternut squash to his applesauce yesterday and he would have none of it. I had to bring a new empty bowl and the container from the fridge and pour it in front of him to get just plain applesauce down him. He sees me in the kitchen preparing food and gets skeptical. I successfully added the squash in with French toad today but don't tell him! I guess I need to put just the smallest amount in and work up as his tastebuds adjust.

I have orders from his OT to make him a plate if the same food I am eating regardless of whether he will eat it or not. I have to do this for 13 days straight. She says it takes that long to break a habit and then I have to try to get him to actually eat it after those 13 days for another couple of weeks. I think this is going to take a while.

Because of his hypersensitivity to textures it's just that way. I will be buying a magic bullet/food processor ASAP! Enough with the blender. For now I'm glad I think he has taken a liking to one of the selections of whole wheat crackers I picked up at trader joes. Good bye fish crackers, cheez-it's, and animal crackers. This will be good for me too (not so tempting to snack on whole wheat sesame crackers!).

I'm starting to try jessica seinfeld's book Deceptively Delicious. Anyone used it and what's your experience?

bathroom update!

*Disclaimer: Pictures were taken with my phone, crappy lighting, and this room (like most bathrooms) is very difficult to photograph due to the small size and odd angles.

Here is the bathroom redo in all it's glory. The goal was to get rid of the wallpaper and inexpensively turn it into something that resembles me and the rest of the house. I decided to forgo changing out light fixtures, adding beadboard and what not because we hope to not live here long enough to justify that, so I worked with paint and accessories. I forgot the before pictures. Imagine a pinecone wallpaper border midway down wall with wood trim in both sides. It was not me! Imagine that!

Well with Ryan leaving for Texas he felt the need to make my wishes come true. He is sweet. Thanks to him and his dad especially I finally got this room done (well 90% done). His dad is amazing! So handy and willing to help. He loves painting even more cutting in on the edges. Crazy and I love it!

I am not thrilled with the paint color but it is growing on me. The pics are on my phone so they aren't great and the room could use more light. Remember this post and my inspiration photo?

Well I ended up scrapping the colored towels on hooks and decided that wall needed something higher up on wall and art (if framed scrapbook paper can be considered art). It might seem a little copy cat from my inspiration photo but I'm ok with that. It goes so well. Oh and I love the Thomas Paul octopus shower curtain. Love the whimsy. I brought the rugs in from other room and am trying them out instead of the flokati rug I started with. It really wasn't practical for a bathroom anyway, dry clean only. I already had the ocean picture and just leaned it up against the mirror to break up the huge rectangle builder grade mirror. The striped towels are from TJ Maxx, the frames are from Ikea, and the scrapbook paper from Joann's. They have so much more selection than Michaels, at least in Chico. Crazy. I still need to reinstall the towel bar or go with the hooks I already purchased months ago from Cost Plus World Market for hanging towels. We shall see...

The paint is Benjamin Moore Aura Ac-27 Galveston Gray. Sometimes I go in and it looks blue and other times it is gray. I prefer the gray. The room desperately needs more light. In hindsight the color is too dark for the room so I should have gone with the next one up but I loved this color more and Ryan preferred it too on the swatch and in inspiration photos.

So, what do you think? Original enough in my personal application or too copy cat?

Oh and the human figure model by the sink. Ryan and I like to get creative with his pose and surprise each other. Makes for some great laughs. I found myself changing him up the other day to impersonate Ryan flexing his muscles in the mirror. But he's not here to enjoy my humor, darn Texas! I guess I'll have to text him a picture.

Other projects to come: Ryan switched out the dining room light fixture (all by himself). Yeehaw!