Warning: Pity Party may ensue...
I need your help.... How do you do it?
How do you find joy and feel happy for others who have typically developing children when yours is not. How do you express excitement and happiness for those who are having babies when you are not? When everyone's lives seem to be on track with their "plan" and yours is not? I've been battling this for a while and been quite successful, well as successful as I could be by just playing the part. I would express excitement and utter the words, all the while my heart aches. On my good days I can for small moments be excited for them. I seem to forget myself and I realize that their lives aren't free of challenge either and this is their moment for things to go right for them.
But today I can't do it. I can't seem to find the happiness. What about me? What about "my plan"? I've had to relinquish it to the Lord's plan and I guess today I'm having a hard time being patient. I can't sit around and wait for that typical child, for a cure for autism, or for my body to finally produce a baby that can even survive past being an itty bitty embryo. How do I do it? How did you do it? I know I'm not alone in this, challenge after challenge time of my life. I guess all I can do is keep praying for more strength, doing more to deepen my relationship with the Savior, make my prayers more sincere and more frequent and do as was told by an apostle of the Lord, Elder Hales, this weekend to "wait upon the Lord". I came across this article today. I appreciated her faith and it reminded me of all the Lord has been teaching me lately. She says, 'the Lord asks us to “wait patiently” on Him not because He has abandoned us, but because He loves us and wants us to draw closer to Him.'
Maybe once I strengthen my faith and hope that all things really will work out for our good, then I can find joy in others successes despite what seems like a life of disappointment and challenge for myself.
Hum... In the meantime either avoid me or tell me how crappy your life is and avoid informing me of any good news! Ok, maybe that's a little extreme!