Tuesday, July 12, 2011

September 13, 2011

Its been a while...sorry.

We have a date.
September 13th 10:30am.
I've been working to get this date for a month now. Before that I was preparing myself to be ready for that date. I thought I was ready. Now that we have the coveted date my stomach is in knots. Its strange, just reality setting in that we will have something concrete to either go forward with or not. Things will continue as they are most likely one way or the other. Its our new reality. I talk openly, I even use the word in conversation with those closest to me. My reading material is plastered with it.
There I said it.
I have come to terms (or so I thought) and have my own personal diagnosis for Gavin.
Why, then do I all of the sudden feel so anxious and scared?
Maybe I'm not ready. It doesn't really matter if I am or not, he needs this and so do we.
Things have been more difficult lately. I don't even think its related to a disorder, probably just the natural development of a two-year old. I think he's fighting for autonomy and it sucks. I keep telling myself its good, because it is. It means he is developing appropriately, in some areas at least. Why does writing that make me cry?

Those darn doors. I'm about ready to take them all off their hinges. Its his thing and it seems like its getting worse. He is obsessed. He knows how to unlock deadbolts now so he continuously slams every single door in our house over and over and over and over and over again. Any kind of door, he doesn't discriminate. Have a headache yet? I do.

So, when the phone rang today and the woman on the phone told me she was calling to schedule the evaluation, I was relieved it was finally here and yet terrified at the same time. I think these opposite emotions are natural. Tell me they are.

All that being said...the past eight months since we began this journey of discovery and intervention have been amazing. Everyone we have worked with has been very professional and definitely have great concern for Gavin's success in life. I continually pray that the Lord will lead and guide us through this journey whatever it ends up being, that he'll inspire me and all of his interventionists, therapists, you name it. "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths" (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Love this little man to pieces! Headaches and all...

We have a date!

In the mean time I will be reading this, and this, and just finished reading this.