September 13, 2011

Its been a while...sorry.

We have a date.

September 13th 10:30am.

I've been working to get this date for a month now. Before that I was preparing myself to be ready for that date. I thought I was ready. Now that we have the coveted date my stomach is in knots. Its strange, just reality setting in that we will have something concrete to either go forward with or not. Things will continue as they are most likely one way or the other. Its our new reality. I talk openly, I even use the word in conversation with those closest to me. My reading material is plastered with it.

"AUTISM."

There I said it.

I have come to terms (or so I thought) and have my own personal diagnosis for Gavin.

Why, then do I all of the sudden feel so anxious and scared?

Maybe I'm not ready. It doesn't really matter if I am or not, he needs this and so do we.

Things have been more difficult lately. I don't even think its related to a disorder, probably just the natural development of a two-year old. I think he's fighting for autonomy and it sucks. I keep telling myself its good, because it is. It means he is developing appropriately, in some areas at least. Why does writing that make me cry?

Those darn doors. I'm about ready to take them all off their hinges. Its his thing and it seems like its getting worse. He is obsessed. He knows how to unlock deadbolts now so he continuously slams every single door in our house over and over and over and over and over again. Any kind of door, he doesn't discriminate. Have a headache yet? I do.

So, when the phone rang today and the woman on the phone told me she was calling to schedule the evaluation, I was relieved it was finally here and yet terrified at the same time. I think these opposite emotions are natural. Tell me they are.

All that being said...the past eight months since we began this journey of discovery and intervention have been amazing. Everyone we have worked with has been very professional and definitely have great concern for Gavin's success in life. I continually pray that the Lord will lead and guide us through this journey whatever it ends up being, that he'll inspire me and all of his interventionists, therapists, you name it. "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths" (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Love this little man to pieces! Headaches and all...

We have a date!

In the mean time I will be reading this, and this, and just finished reading this.

vinegar and oatmeal anyone?

* I think the ak-mak crackers above in the yellow box are the winners,

although I think this may lower our cracker intake substantially!

So I've been working on improving the little dudes diet. Poor child. Between this and the sensory suggestions his OT and Speech therapist have given he is really going to hate me and eating! I'm having to find a balance because adding hot sauce and balsamic vinegar to his beloved oatmeal is just making both our lives miserable. The things that are my "go-to's" are no more even if untainted it seems because I've lost his trust. Here are the latest examples: The OT wants me to add hot sauce and balsamic vinegar to things that I know he likes and will eat. She wants to wake up his mouth and get all of his senses working and I guess it takes something that nasty to do it. He has some sensory problems and is very hypersensitive to foods, eating, and textures. He will still eat the oatmeal if I feed it to him but he definitely doesn't enjoy it like usual or self-feed or request more or finish it for that matter. Well since doing that he isn't as interested in Oatmeal even if all I've put in it is mashed bananas which is what I've done for a very long time prior to the balsamic vinegar.

Separate from the requests of the OT, I have been trying to change up his diet so he has more of a variety of fruits and vegetables and more quantity. So goes the following: there was his favorite vegetable, butternut squash. This time around he is not having it and I made it like normal, I think. I had fed him carrots the night before and I guess the colors are the same so he freaked. He just won't trust anything. Then I decided to try adding the pureed butternut squash to his applesauce yesterday and he would have none of it. I had to bring a new empty bowl and the container from the fridge and pour it in front of him to get just plain applesauce down him. He sees me in the kitchen preparing food and gets skeptical. I successfully added the squash in with French toad today but don't tell him! I guess I need to put just the smallest amount in and work up as his tastebuds adjust.

I have orders from his OT to make him a plate if the same food I am eating regardless of whether he will eat it or not. I have to do this for 13 days straight. She says it takes that long to break a habit and then I have to try to get him to actually eat it after those 13 days for another couple of weeks. I think this is going to take a while.

Because of his hypersensitivity to textures it's just that way. I will be buying a magic bullet/food processor ASAP! Enough with the blender. For now I'm glad I think he has taken a liking to one of the selections of whole wheat crackers I picked up at trader joes. Good bye fish crackers, cheez-it's, and animal crackers. This will be good for me too (not so tempting to snack on whole wheat sesame crackers!).

I'm starting to try jessica seinfeld's book Deceptively Delicious. Anyone used it and what's your experience?

bathroom update!

*Disclaimer: Pictures were taken with my phone, crappy lighting, and this room (like most bathrooms) is very difficult to photograph due to the small size and odd angles.

Here is the bathroom redo in all it's glory. The goal was to get rid of the wallpaper and inexpensively turn it into something that resembles me and the rest of the house. I decided to forgo changing out light fixtures, adding beadboard and what not because we hope to not live here long enough to justify that, so I worked with paint and accessories. I forgot the before pictures. Imagine a pinecone wallpaper border midway down wall with wood trim in both sides. It was not me! Imagine that!

Well with Ryan leaving for Texas he felt the need to make my wishes come true. He is sweet. Thanks to him and his dad especially I finally got this room done (well 90% done). His dad is amazing! So handy and willing to help. He loves painting even more cutting in on the edges. Crazy and I love it!

I am not thrilled with the paint color but it is growing on me. The pics are on my phone so they aren't great and the room could use more light. Remember this post and my inspiration photo?

Well I ended up scrapping the colored towels on hooks and decided that wall needed something higher up on wall and art (if framed scrapbook paper can be considered art). It might seem a little copy cat from my inspiration photo but I'm ok with that. It goes so well. Oh and I love the Thomas Paul octopus shower curtain. Love the whimsy. I brought the rugs in from other room and am trying them out instead of the flokati rug I started with. It really wasn't practical for a bathroom anyway, dry clean only. I already had the ocean picture and just leaned it up against the mirror to break up the huge rectangle builder grade mirror. The striped towels are from TJ Maxx, the frames are from Ikea, and the scrapbook paper from Joann's. They have so much more selection than Michaels, at least in Chico. Crazy. I still need to reinstall the towel bar or go with the hooks I already purchased months ago from Cost Plus World Market for hanging towels. We shall see...

The paint is Benjamin Moore Aura Ac-27 Galveston Gray. Sometimes I go in and it looks blue and other times it is gray. I prefer the gray. The room desperately needs more light. In hindsight the color is too dark for the room so I should have gone with the next one up but I loved this color more and Ryan preferred it too on the swatch and in inspiration photos.

So, what do you think? Original enough in my personal application or too copy cat?

Oh and the human figure model by the sink. Ryan and I like to get creative with his pose and surprise each other. Makes for some great laughs. I found myself changing him up the other day to impersonate Ryan flexing his muscles in the mirror. But he's not here to enjoy my humor, darn Texas! I guess I'll have to text him a picture.

Other projects to come: Ryan switched out the dining room light fixture (all by himself). Yeehaw!

deliciousness!

Making this for gavin's dinner along with mashed potatoes and chicken.

Here is the recipe:

1 butternut squash, halved lengthwise and seeded
2 tbsp butter
4 tbsp brown sugar
Sea Salt and black pepper (freshly ground)

Preheat oven to 450 degrees.

Place butternut squash halves in glass pan with cut sides up. Put 1 tbsp butter in middle each squash. Sprinkle brown sugar over each squash. Season with s and p.

Roast 40 minutes, until flesh is fork-tender. Poke squash with fork holes and then pour yummy brown sugar buttery goodness over the holes to absorb in rest of squash. It may not last until dinner or get to gavin's mouth. Yum!

Butternut squash is aaaaaaaaa-mazing! I never ate it much before making it for baby food, but this oh this is way more than baby food! It literally melts in your mouth! You must try and if you put your nose up to squash please give it another try with this recipe! Since Gavin is still a picky eater and sensitive to textures I still have to mash and cook his vegetables so they're soft. Squash is the perfect vegetable for that! My methods for cooking it have evolved as he has grown and can handle mashed rather than pureed foods. I also love it so much I find a compromise between how I would want it and how he'd want it. This newest recipe is amazing. I started with one from allrecipes.com and adjusted the temperature and the measurements of the ingredients. It was really by accident the recipe called for 2 tsp of butter and I interpreted that as 2 tbsp (quite a bit more, no wonder it melts in your mouth! hehe!). So, you can do less butter and still have a great result, but it was oh so yummy that I wouldn't change a thing. I also almost skipped the s&p but as I learned in my cooking class s&p are your main way of seasoning a food and salt will always enhance flavors and boy it was perfect the sweet brown sugar against the fresh pepper and sea salt! Can't even describe how good this is. I also increased the cooking temperature based on my experience roasting squash and knowing I wanted it on the more tender side for Gavin. I also added the 1/2 inch of water in the pan to help create a steaming process and cook the squash more, but it isn't really necessary for a less tender result. I also increased the cooking time from 25 to 40. There is no way it would be done in 25. It will also make your house smell so warm, yummy, and sweet!

orange you lovely!

Here's what I came up with for the decor and party favors for Gavin's 2nd birthday. It was inspired by an orange drink I had at a friend's baby shower. I have also been obsessed with oranges lately and eating them daily, which is weird for me because I usually dislike oranges. I always get bad ones, but Ryan was given a bag of oranges by a patient at work and these ones have been delicious!

I already had all the supplies from all the hoopla I made for Gavin's 1st birthday. I had the napkins in my stash and so didn't have to buy anything except a few more clear bags and the oranges and orange slices candy. I found the orange slice and leaf images online and edited them in Photoshop Elements. The font on the stickers was in the blue to match the striped napkins.

Photo Above (Clockwise Left to Right): Orange with leaf name card for place settings, white paper sacks for party favor (it had a peanut butter chocolate chip cookie from Upper Crust Bakery), blue/gray striped napkins from Ikea (great place for napkins!!), green napkin from Ikea for cake time, "Thanks You're Sweet" orange slices candy party favor (bags tied with jute twine). I just use full sheet size labels to print my designs out on and then stick them right to the cardstock, bags, etc. Not pictured: I also had some of the 2 inch orange slice circle stickers on clear cups that said "Happy Birthday", and we had tons of green and yellow balloons strewn on the floor (the store was out of orange ones).

Party On!

We celebrated gavin's 2nd birthday early so that Ryan could be there. I have been excited for gav's birthday because I felt like he'd enjoy the party more (especially the cake and ice cream). Remember last year? He wouldn't even let us get the cake to his mouth. He loves anything sweet now so I just said the words "cake and ice cream" and he was in his seat! I didn't take that many photos, actually I myself took none. Thanks to Ryan and his sister we gave some. I was way too busy with the food. I didn't do anything crazy like last years extravaganza. It was a tad much. In fact as of Monday I didn't have a clue what we were doing let alone decorating bur finally caught the bug to do something and the wheels started turning. By Monday night I was cutting and sticking and had the event planned and decor finished. I went simple and I think it was just the right amount.

playing with the wheels and bucket on his new tricycle

We had our local family over for dinner and cake and ice cream. I'm so glad that we have our family near by. Gavin is developing relationships with his grandparents and his Aunt Michelle and Uncle Paul and I love that he gets excited and loves spending time with them. I made a new favorite of mine Chicken and Rosemary Spaghetti. With that we had roasted asparagus, mixed green salad with feta, pecans, grapes, and oranges, and a yummy garlic artisan bread my sister found at WinCo. I got his cake from UpperCrust Bakery again. It was the black and white cake and it was delish!

Playing with his new Thomas the Train from Aunt Michelle and Uncle Paul.

Our happy little family!

Gavin loved his cake once the candles were lit and he loved being sung to. I love this picture because I feel like it captures in an image my love for this little dude. He is my life and my best little bud. He is the reason for my happiness and joy. He is teaching me so much about love, patience, laughter, and enjoying the simple things in life. All the time and energy I give to him, I receive more than that back in love and happiness as his mother! What a sweet gift you are little man!

Alice Lane Giveaway!!

I've been coveting this goldfish pillow by Thomas Paul for a while. Ok, not coveting but its one I'd love to have. Sadly at $105 it's just in my budget, nor would I feel ok spending that much on a single pillow. Well, what do you know, Alice Lane, a lovely interior design firm in Orem, Utah just finished a new interior for NieNie's play area in her basement is giving one away. I really wanted to stop by their store when I went to visit my family in Utah. I even made it to Provo to see my brother at BYU, but I had my nephew and son in the car with me and it didn't seem possible. Anyway, they used this adorable pillow in her room and are giving one away now. I never win, but lately I've decided I should up my odds by entering giveaways more often. I MUST NOT LOSE HOPE! Click here to enter the giveaway on Alice Lane's blog and to see the lovely pictures of NieNie's new play room! So creatively inspiring don't you think? I do!

Have a great weekend! My parents have so lovingly offered to watch Gav so the Mr. and I can scoot off to Sac-town for a quick overnight getaway and visit to the Sacramento Temple!! Ryan leaves in 2 weeks for his 9-week clinical in Austin, Texas. Boo hoo!